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Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Suck My Kiss
I don't care that you've had sex with over 1400 women. I don't care that Kiss is a huge success. Because here's a little secret: Kiss sucks, always has, always will. Maybe they put a great concert on? Guess who doesn't care? Me. Why? Because your music still sucks. What also sucks, is your disgusting Do. It's a weird butt part and it needs to go. Fact is, someone who boasts about how many women they've slept with is insecure. So is a man who can't accept that he's been balding since 1980.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Little Dick, Big Problem.
So... The other night I had a bout of insomnia. Instead of reloading twitter five thousand times for nonexistent updates, or pretending to look for a job, I decided to watch TV.
It's rare that I watch tv these days, but lately when I do it seems as though television is stuck in a high school time warp. I guess it's by chance that every time I turn dish network on the only choices are Roseanne, Family Matters, Saved By The Bell, and maybe a rehab show.
So basically last night, I was stuck flipping between Three's Company and Family Matters. Pretty bad no? Well for whatever reason I decided to flip between both until I was reminded of this character:
That's right, Little Richie.
This show is so bad, but that's stating the obvious. What's worse than this show, and what I'm really trying to get at, is this kid's Do.
Here's what raises some eyebrows:
A. This haircut was not popular on any man or child in the mid-90s.
B. It's a jheri curl.
c. It's about 6 years after AC Slater had this Do, and by this point I'm assuming he was smart enough to get rid of it.
D. Who would do this to their child?
Not only is this haircut unacceptable by mid-90s standards for any child of any race or sex, you decided to burn this image into television history by choosing this Do as your chyldes style while on the show.
Good job. My guess is the parent was a huge fan of Little Richard, requested that his son's character be named Little Richie with a Do to match. Really? That's like giving your 7 year old a pompadour because you love Elvis, only worse.
It's rare that I watch tv these days, but lately when I do it seems as though television is stuck in a high school time warp. I guess it's by chance that every time I turn dish network on the only choices are Roseanne, Family Matters, Saved By The Bell, and maybe a rehab show.
So basically last night, I was stuck flipping between Three's Company and Family Matters. Pretty bad no? Well for whatever reason I decided to flip between both until I was reminded of this character:
That's right, Little Richie.
This show is so bad, but that's stating the obvious. What's worse than this show, and what I'm really trying to get at, is this kid's Do.
Here's what raises some eyebrows:
A. This haircut was not popular on any man or child in the mid-90s.
B. It's a jheri curl.
c. It's about 6 years after AC Slater had this Do, and by this point I'm assuming he was smart enough to get rid of it.
D. Who would do this to their child?
Not only is this haircut unacceptable by mid-90s standards for any child of any race or sex, you decided to burn this image into television history by choosing this Do as your chyldes style while on the show.
Good job. My guess is the parent was a huge fan of Little Richard, requested that his son's character be named Little Richie with a Do to match. Really? That's like giving your 7 year old a pompadour because you love Elvis, only worse.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Mousse Quickie
Hey I like mousse!
I've talked about it before, but I always keep trying new mousse products in hopes of finding the one. It is kind of like searching for a man, keep trying shit out till one takes.
Anyway, that's what my product search for the perfect mousse has been like. I bought Big Sexy Hair Mousse as seen here:
It isn't bad. It definitely gives my hair volume but makes it feel like straw. But it keeps it in place. So I don't hate this, but it does get hard to dry with my brush because of it making my hair harder than necessary.
Then we have Organix Coconut Milk Mousse.
This mousse is kind of weird. It says its weightless mousse but when I put it in my hair it feels like I am putting soap suds in my hair. It is very strange, but doesn't make my hair stiff or anything. I am completely unsure if this mousse is actually doing anything for my hair at all. It feels like my hair almost looks better without anything in it than having this stuff in it. So I guess thats all I need to know.
So the search for the one is still on. Recommend me some mousse! or something. Set me up with a fellow do lover while you are at it too. TTYL! KIT!
I've talked about it before, but I always keep trying new mousse products in hopes of finding the one. It is kind of like searching for a man, keep trying shit out till one takes.
Anyway, that's what my product search for the perfect mousse has been like. I bought Big Sexy Hair Mousse as seen here:
It isn't bad. It definitely gives my hair volume but makes it feel like straw. But it keeps it in place. So I don't hate this, but it does get hard to dry with my brush because of it making my hair harder than necessary.
Then we have Organix Coconut Milk Mousse.
This mousse is kind of weird. It says its weightless mousse but when I put it in my hair it feels like I am putting soap suds in my hair. It is very strange, but doesn't make my hair stiff or anything. I am completely unsure if this mousse is actually doing anything for my hair at all. It feels like my hair almost looks better without anything in it than having this stuff in it. So I guess thats all I need to know.
So the search for the one is still on. Recommend me some mousse! or something. Set me up with a fellow do lover while you are at it too. TTYL! KIT!
Oh Orrojo and Cojo
Well first thing's first. We had a comment from someone we don't know! How exciting. At least we think we do not know.
Anyway, the topic was 80s/90s do's so thats why the comments were about that. Anyway, we didn't really totally understand your comment. But no one is hating on Stacey Q, just her do. I loved two of hearts!
My hair was much worse during that time. One day I'll post photos.
But yea we are going to continue to write with our hater pens? Or something.
Anywayyyyy, ohhhh Nick Orrojo. Sometimes I don't understand what you were doing on What not to Wear and sometimes it came out good. But there was this one time (and I cannot find a picture anywhere for this!) but there was this punk rock type looking girl who had not that bad of a do - she was 24, had black hair and it was just razor cut. And you cut it into a bowl cut, shaved one side and dyed the shaved part blue. Why Nick Orrojo why? It was so bad, I felt bad for this girl after the fact.
And why did your hair look like this?
I don't think this look looks good on any man, it didnt look good on Heath Ledger (RIP, too soon?), it didn't look good on Orlando Bloom, it just doesn't look good. Maybe there are some women that get aroused by long curly tendrils on a man, but I sure do not know any.
Second up on the list, is Cojo. I actually feel bad about this one because I know he has something wrong with him that made his face blow up like that. So I am feeling kind of guilty, but this isn't about his illnesses, its purely do related so forgive me.
Sigh, of all the things about do's that I don't like, flat ironing a man's hair when its all razor cut, makes me cringe like no other. I just don't understand it. I don't see how they leave the house like that. It is like Pete Wentz's hair. Ugh. Enough to de-arouse anyone.
On a final note, I am watching Patti from Millionaire Matchmaker and I can't stop loving her non bang do.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Anyway, the topic was 80s/90s do's so thats why the comments were about that. Anyway, we didn't really totally understand your comment. But no one is hating on Stacey Q, just her do. I loved two of hearts!
My hair was much worse during that time. One day I'll post photos.
But yea we are going to continue to write with our hater pens? Or something.
Anywayyyyy, ohhhh Nick Orrojo. Sometimes I don't understand what you were doing on What not to Wear and sometimes it came out good. But there was this one time (and I cannot find a picture anywhere for this!) but there was this punk rock type looking girl who had not that bad of a do - she was 24, had black hair and it was just razor cut. And you cut it into a bowl cut, shaved one side and dyed the shaved part blue. Why Nick Orrojo why? It was so bad, I felt bad for this girl after the fact.
And why did your hair look like this?
I don't think this look looks good on any man, it didnt look good on Heath Ledger (RIP, too soon?), it didn't look good on Orlando Bloom, it just doesn't look good. Maybe there are some women that get aroused by long curly tendrils on a man, but I sure do not know any.
Second up on the list, is Cojo. I actually feel bad about this one because I know he has something wrong with him that made his face blow up like that. So I am feeling kind of guilty, but this isn't about his illnesses, its purely do related so forgive me.
Sigh, of all the things about do's that I don't like, flat ironing a man's hair when its all razor cut, makes me cringe like no other. I just don't understand it. I don't see how they leave the house like that. It is like Pete Wentz's hair. Ugh. Enough to de-arouse anyone.
On a final note, I am watching Patti from Millionaire Matchmaker and I can't stop loving her non bang do.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Monday, March 15, 2010
80s / Early 90s Wylde Do Talk
Hello again. After reading Queen Do's last posts, I realized its been a while since I've blogged, so lets just get to the point:
This post is about a funky little thing that I've been wanting to talk about called Wylde Do's. Wylde Do's can be any funky do and are up for interpretation. They might even be mild for some people... but I've decided to speak about specific do's of the past in no particular order, that I deem as non-mild, aka WYLDE. Let us begin.
WYLDE DO # 1: KELLY KAPOWSKI
This do is a late 80s early 90s classic, and here's why: Usually at the beginning of a new decade there's this funky little thing that happens... it's called "rollover". It's when the style of the past decade isn't quite gone yet... so it morphs a little and rolls over into the next decade. Kelly's subtle (by 80s standards) do is a classic case of roll over style into the 90s. It's got a little bit of the past, and moving towards the future with that not so huge but still fluffy do. This was also a popular working girl / news anchor look in the early 90s, and it's super cute, just like Kelly.
WYLDE DO # 2: KELLY BUNDY
Speaking of Kelly's, here's one of my faves. The style icon that is known as Kelly Bundy. Kelly had the best style of the 80s, not to mention hair. It's actually not a far cry from Kelly Kapowski's do, but it has a little more spunk and punk. I like Kelly's hair during the early years of Married With Children when it was really bright peroxide blonde. It's 80s rock / punk / metal / skate at its finest, and I kind of wish this do would come back, but instead Whitney Houston did.
WYLDE DO # 3 SPIKE FROM DEGRASSI JR HIGH
Do I even need to say why this is a Wylde Do? In retrospect this do is pretty busted. The idea of anyone walking around with this do seems odd today, but when I was little I thought this was cool. Spike listened to the Pogues who are actually a horrible band, but I guess this was cool and unique by 80s standards, especially for a mainstream teen show. I've watched this show recently and its shocking how horrible the acting on this program was, nonetheless, props for representing 80s wyldness.
WYLDE DO # 4 LIZ FROM DEGRASSI JR HIGH
Every 15 year old alterna-teen needs a best friend to be different with, and for Spike, this friend was Liz. Liz's personality kind of sucked, but her do made up for it. Sure, I'm a 15 year old skinhead with a chelsea cut... and? Queen Do Talk is going to HATE this do but you know what? In a sea of Brooklyn Bangs it would be refreshing to see someone rock this do and pull it off with the full on look. NO ONE rocks this do anymore. Seeing a chelsea do is just about as rare as seeing a real raver, a mod, or someone who is genuinely into ska. Good luck!
WYLDE DO # 5 THE GIRL FROM SWING OUT SISTER
Let me tell you a little secret: Breakout by Swing Out Sister was the first song I ever got into (yes I'm gay, and I was 7). Clearly there is a rhyme and reason for everything but thats beside the point. Lets talk about this lady's do. Are you craving something edgy and intellectual in the 80s? Are you too mature or understated for the teased out hairsprayed helmets of the decade but still want a little something that says "im quirky"? This Louise Brooks do always comes back in and out of style every decade and there's a reason why: its classic. Its sleek and if you are lucky enough to be born with the mug to pull this off, then by all means BREAKOUT the scissors and cut yourself into style with the Swing Out Sister do.
WYLDE DO # 6 STACEY Q
Wow, Stacey Q. Check out that hair! It looks like someone took about five 80s styling trends and mashed it up into one supreme chia pet-esque sculpture de bimbo. You've got a crimp, a reverse confusion curl, a straightener, some extentions, hairspray, mouse, maybe gel, and the classic bang poof out all in one giant 80s tossed salad of dos. Stacey Q sucked but at least she's not as annoying as Lady Gaga, and she looks better in round WYLDE 80s sunglasses too... but thats a whole other post.
This post is about a funky little thing that I've been wanting to talk about called Wylde Do's. Wylde Do's can be any funky do and are up for interpretation. They might even be mild for some people... but I've decided to speak about specific do's of the past in no particular order, that I deem as non-mild, aka WYLDE. Let us begin.
WYLDE DO # 1: KELLY KAPOWSKI
This do is a late 80s early 90s classic, and here's why: Usually at the beginning of a new decade there's this funky little thing that happens... it's called "rollover". It's when the style of the past decade isn't quite gone yet... so it morphs a little and rolls over into the next decade. Kelly's subtle (by 80s standards) do is a classic case of roll over style into the 90s. It's got a little bit of the past, and moving towards the future with that not so huge but still fluffy do. This was also a popular working girl / news anchor look in the early 90s, and it's super cute, just like Kelly.
WYLDE DO # 2: KELLY BUNDY
Speaking of Kelly's, here's one of my faves. The style icon that is known as Kelly Bundy. Kelly had the best style of the 80s, not to mention hair. It's actually not a far cry from Kelly Kapowski's do, but it has a little more spunk and punk. I like Kelly's hair during the early years of Married With Children when it was really bright peroxide blonde. It's 80s rock / punk / metal / skate at its finest, and I kind of wish this do would come back, but instead Whitney Houston did.
WYLDE DO # 3 SPIKE FROM DEGRASSI JR HIGH
Do I even need to say why this is a Wylde Do? In retrospect this do is pretty busted. The idea of anyone walking around with this do seems odd today, but when I was little I thought this was cool. Spike listened to the Pogues who are actually a horrible band, but I guess this was cool and unique by 80s standards, especially for a mainstream teen show. I've watched this show recently and its shocking how horrible the acting on this program was, nonetheless, props for representing 80s wyldness.
WYLDE DO # 4 LIZ FROM DEGRASSI JR HIGH
Every 15 year old alterna-teen needs a best friend to be different with, and for Spike, this friend was Liz. Liz's personality kind of sucked, but her do made up for it. Sure, I'm a 15 year old skinhead with a chelsea cut... and? Queen Do Talk is going to HATE this do but you know what? In a sea of Brooklyn Bangs it would be refreshing to see someone rock this do and pull it off with the full on look. NO ONE rocks this do anymore. Seeing a chelsea do is just about as rare as seeing a real raver, a mod, or someone who is genuinely into ska. Good luck!
WYLDE DO # 5 THE GIRL FROM SWING OUT SISTER
Let me tell you a little secret: Breakout by Swing Out Sister was the first song I ever got into (yes I'm gay, and I was 7). Clearly there is a rhyme and reason for everything but thats beside the point. Lets talk about this lady's do. Are you craving something edgy and intellectual in the 80s? Are you too mature or understated for the teased out hairsprayed helmets of the decade but still want a little something that says "im quirky"? This Louise Brooks do always comes back in and out of style every decade and there's a reason why: its classic. Its sleek and if you are lucky enough to be born with the mug to pull this off, then by all means BREAKOUT the scissors and cut yourself into style with the Swing Out Sister do.
WYLDE DO # 6 STACEY Q
Wow, Stacey Q. Check out that hair! It looks like someone took about five 80s styling trends and mashed it up into one supreme chia pet-esque sculpture de bimbo. You've got a crimp, a reverse confusion curl, a straightener, some extentions, hairspray, mouse, maybe gel, and the classic bang poof out all in one giant 80s tossed salad of dos. Stacey Q sucked but at least she's not as annoying as Lady Gaga, and she looks better in round WYLDE 80s sunglasses too... but thats a whole other post.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Beards
Vavoom and I were discussing tonight about Williamsburg and how every girl tends to look the same and every man has a beard.
I am not going to lie and say that I have no attraction to men in beards, because when thats all thats in my face that isn't a reg, then what am I to do. But sometimes its like, ugh can I get a face that I can see? I can't cover up my double chin or bad skin with a beard, so you shouldn't be allowed to either.
But I get it, you hate shaving in the winter! Yea you know what so do I, but I know you don't want to see my hairy legs as much as I don't want your unruly beard.
Now this next example, is an extreme example. This man is probably not straight (I love my gays!) but seriously, come on with this look.
I got this from absurdintellectual after a google search in case they find I used their photo or wherever they got that from. They were making fun of hipsters. This is really taking it to the extreme as far as a look goes and I wouldn't call this a typical one, but anyway you get the idea.
I guess I just long for the days when everyone was dancing to 60s soul music via 1998 at Sorted in Philadelphia and dressed up in suits and cared about what they looked like. Is that too much to ask?
I'd just like to see this again sometime soon:
Fine its Jim Sturgess, and I don't plan on having this enter my world anytime soon, but can I at least get 75% of this man to be out and about again. Wishful thinking I guess.
At least spring is around the corner, and some of those beards might get shaven off. Here's to hoping.
I am not going to lie and say that I have no attraction to men in beards, because when thats all thats in my face that isn't a reg, then what am I to do. But sometimes its like, ugh can I get a face that I can see? I can't cover up my double chin or bad skin with a beard, so you shouldn't be allowed to either.
But I get it, you hate shaving in the winter! Yea you know what so do I, but I know you don't want to see my hairy legs as much as I don't want your unruly beard.
Now this next example, is an extreme example. This man is probably not straight (I love my gays!) but seriously, come on with this look.
I got this from absurdintellectual after a google search in case they find I used their photo or wherever they got that from. They were making fun of hipsters. This is really taking it to the extreme as far as a look goes and I wouldn't call this a typical one, but anyway you get the idea.
I guess I just long for the days when everyone was dancing to 60s soul music via 1998 at Sorted in Philadelphia and dressed up in suits and cared about what they looked like. Is that too much to ask?
I'd just like to see this again sometime soon:
Fine its Jim Sturgess, and I don't plan on having this enter my world anytime soon, but can I at least get 75% of this man to be out and about again. Wishful thinking I guess.
At least spring is around the corner, and some of those beards might get shaven off. Here's to hoping.
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